I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
