She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize