I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
