Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
