you would pick up someone in the library
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
