i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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