hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
