I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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