Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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