Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize