I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
