she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
