Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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