if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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