youre lurking in front of me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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