if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
