those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
