This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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