I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
