You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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