i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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