Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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