How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
