I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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