she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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