so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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