so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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