can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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