It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
