That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize