Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
