ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
only if we run a train.
done.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
