I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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