last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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