I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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