I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize