I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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