In the future we'll all be gay
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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