Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
