just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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