This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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