I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
birth control should be required to get into college
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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