Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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