Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
