bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Randomize
