I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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