ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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