If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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