How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
