obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
