just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
