He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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