So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
