You just made me feel so damn special
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am one with the molecules
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
