While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
