man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
