Yo dont text me then not text me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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