He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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