Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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