I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
