I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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