found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
