You're a womanizer and a bitch.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
