then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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