dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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