I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
