Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
