arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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