with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I love you.
Bad choice
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
